Innocence meets Assassin

Summaries

nobody@vox.com(pandaness) — Sat, 21 Jun 2008 14:47:13 -0700

Luna♥

Clarise Greenwood

Clarise is a cursed phaerie's daughter with a missing father and a careless mother. Cursed by her mother in the womb she was born and thrown to the wolves of the forest of Timber. Her mother was consumed by her hatred of Romulus, Clarise's father, and ensured that whatever she came upon would shape her being. Romulus, the respected astronmer has not been heard of in many years and is presumed dead. Lily, her mother, cared little for her daughter and did not mind whether she lived nor died. Clarise was abandoned at birth and left to die. She would have died if it were not for the love of the wolves who found her. Raised by wolves, she grew to be a powerful being. With all of the powers and magick of an earthen bound phaerie and the upbringing of wolves, she has the potential to rule. Fierce like the wolves that raised her and unforgiving like the mother that left her, Clarise is a cold-hearted girl who trusts nothing that walks on two feet.

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Oh, happiness...

nobody@vox.com(pandaness) — Mon, 19 May 2008 07:50:23 -0700

I remember I met Clarissa in the sixth grade. We were friends but not too close. She was friends with Katrina. I had her for my fourth period Beginning Theater Arts class. We had one of the best teachers ever: Ms. Wendy Annette Bable. My most vivid first memory of Clarissa AKA Short Stuff is when she came to pick me up for a rehearsal. She was wearing a bright purple shirt with weird designs on it. I wore loose fitting jeans and a medium white shirt.

Now, Clarissa, or should I say *tink* or volfie(German version of wolfie), is my best friend, more like my sister, but whatever. She is fifteen and so beautiful(not that she wasn't pretty in sixth grade).

I remember I met Robert in the eight grade, though I had seen him around in the seventh grade. He was always quiet and had that bad boy look. The first time I remember actually talking to him was at the beginning of eighth when this girl in front of me turned around and told me to give a note to him to pass to Elora. The girl was Justine. I know who she is now. Anyway, he had his head down and looked so beautiful. *sighs* Well, mission accomplished and I talked to him that day.

me:*psst* Robert. Pass this to Elora.

Rob: Okay.

Aren't I amazing? I had him for second and third period and sixth and seventh period. I sat right behind him in Math(6th and 7th). I was paired with Kassandra for math buddies. She is really smart but it takes her awhile to understand things. Robert sat with Matthew Motemayor. Matthew was -is- annoying beyond all possible imagining. Well, not annoying, but really talkative.

Matthew: *psst* *whisper* Chicken! Oh, my God! Chicken.

Robert:*giggle*

Kassandra and I: Huh?

Miss Montalvo AKA our Eight Grade Mathematics teacher: Kassandra! Amanda! Hush!

Do you see the injustice? No, Miss Montalvo was really cool. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be passing Algebra 1 right now. She got her stuff done, you know? Anyway, I sat behind Matthew and Kassandra sat behind Robert. Kassandra and Robert were relatively good friends, so they talked a bit. I remember the first real conversation we had was about anime. I was recounting what had happened in the latest episode of eureka seveN when he turned around to listen. I didn't mind. I get curious too.

Rob: My favorite anime is D.N.Angel. Have you heard of it?

me: Nuh-uh.

I was too shy to talk to him! I was embarrassed. I wasn't at all pretty. I felt ugly as hell. He continued to tell us about D.N. Angel but I only half listened. I was afraid he was noticing my ugliness.

I also remember how later on in the year, we were all moved to a four desk table. I sat with Robert, Mike, and Willie. Mike is a really good friend of his whom I think is the cutest. Not in a bad way. I just think he's sweet. Now, Willie. He was an ASSHOLE. Sorry, but it's true. All he ever did was talk and demand the answers for things. But because Mike and Robert sat there together, Willie was a tad nicer. Robert and Mike were loud people. My table was always being told to quiet down by Miss Montalvo. I was silent and shy.

I remember all I wore was corduroy skinny khaki pants and white polos. My Converse and an array of belts. Robert wore loose fitting khaki pants with either dark green Wynn Seale shirts or white or gray polos. He looked beautiful. Sorry, lovefest going on.

I would also hear Mike mentioning the name Erika and Robert becoming silent and stony-looking. I wondered who Erika was. Probably his ex-girlfriend. Or something. When I asked timidly, passing it off as just being curious, he shook his head and didn't answer.

He called me a few days later. I had never even given him my phone number. I wasn't even there. I was at my friend Akira's house. When I got home, late as usual, my father was angry. He said a guy named Robert had called. My father had never heard me talk about Robert, so he thought that he was stalking me. I quickly dismissed the thought of Robert ever calling my house and said it must have been a coincidence.

When I got to school the next day and walked into the courtyard, he smiled at me and said he called me yesterday. I didn't smile. I was afraid. I suddenly feared he had found out that I liked him and would make fun of me.

me:*in a small voice* How did you get my number?

Rob: I called Andrew to give me Alex's phone number because I thought she might have yours. Why? Did I get you in trouble?

I didn't answer and looked away. So he had gone through all of that trouble just to talk to me? Maybe he liked me after all. I didn't catch his call until a few days later when I actually came home early. We -he- talked until eleven o' clock at night. It was very interesting. He laughed a lot.

As the friendship progressed, I got him to tell me about Erika. He had her met in the seventh grade. She was beautiful and, in his words, a sweetheart. I wish I was a sweetheart. He would see her in the courtyard at our middle school and he would talk to her in the mornings.

He told me he was falling in love with her and she didn't seem to catch the hint. Sounds like me. I'm really dense and slow at understanding things. But other guys liked her, too. She had naturally black hair with scarlet highlights. That was her natural hair color. Dark eyes and pale white milky skin. Slightly taller than me. A big butt and big breasts. She had the bust x waist x hips ratio of a Victoria's Secret model. She was so intensely beautiful.

Because Robert couldn't figure out how to tell her, he wrote her a note. He wrote it in the best hand-writing he could muster and gave it to her...

She read the letter out loud to people and laughed about it... And he still loved her.

So he became friends with the famous Laura Valerio when she prevented him from joining into a fight. He would have gotten into a lot of problems if the had joined the beating of a guy(James) that was plainly making fun of him. Others had heard him talking shit(the rest of the eight grade football team) and joined in to beat up James.

But Laura stopped him. And basically patched up every wound, checked if he was still breathing, made sure he could walk, and sent him on his way. And in return, Robert loved her with all of his heart and did everything for her. When he asked if she could be his girlfriend, her response was that she didn't know him well enough. Yet, she got with this other guy a few days later. I think his name was Margarito.

Then...He met Ashley. I honestly do not know how many times she has failed the eighth grade. I don't even want to ask her age. She doesn't look fourteen. She was in the eighth grade when I was in the seventh grade and so forth. I'm i the ninth grade now and she's still in the eight grade. Eighteen next year maybe? I don't know. But she was with Robert for four months and used and abused him. At the end, she wanted to break up with her, but he broke up with her before she could. He told me they hardly ever talked and she was his first kiss. She always smelt like fish because she had a job in a resraunt that required that she handle fish. She had bad taste in clothes. Corset with bagy jeans? No. Fishnet and Converse? No. Ick. None of his friends liked her.

Following that was his depression that led him to trust no one and consider suicide. He was manipulative and stony-faced. Well, this depression occured twice. After Erika first, then following Ashley. During one of the endless nights where he stayed on myspace.com he met this girl. He was so manipulative that he convince her that she was bi-sexual...So mean.

And after that was the beautiful Kathleen with the abusive boyfriend. He was her comfort and he would hold her hand. So he thought that when she broke up with him he would be her boyfriend. Turns out, she never broke up with him and he got a call at four in the morning from her boyfriend. He told to him to stay the hell away from his girlfriend. His response: Okay... Goodnight.

And then after that came me, the shy one with the hair. He said he thought I was interesting and made him laugh a lot. I've been with him for over a year now and I think I've caused him the most heartache any other has. I'm difficult. But he must love me if he has put up with me for so long or maybe he just doesn't know how to break up.

When I started high school, I met my better half. He's more than a best friend but not a definitely not a boyfriend. It is an odd relationship. It is not a brother/sister relationship because I've been in one of those and this feels nothing like it. His name is Corey, but he likes being called YamaMayaa. I am happy I took German,otherwise I would never have met him. I sat behind him the first day of school. I turned around and said hello as brightly as possible. I gave me this look like he was going to swallow me hole for coming to close. I remember vivid red hair and (let's hope this doesn't sound corny) peircing blue eyes that seem to change color depending on the day. He had his arms crossed and looked angry that I dared speak to him, so I quickly turned around in fear before he ripped me apart.

I learned later that he sometimes just looks that way. *giggle* He told me later that he was just surprised someone was talking or him or soemthing like that. During the week before Christmas break, we became friends and I spilled my heart and its contents into his hands. I was surprised he didn'y break it like so many others had. He would walk me to the bus stop, where I would take it to go to Wynn Seale to visit younger students at my middle school. On th last day, he gave me a folded piece of paper with numbers scratched inside. I can't remember when I called him, but I did and after that it was hard to stop talking to him(not that I wanted to).

Later I learned that Clarissa liked someone and kept having a dream telling her so. It was Corey - him: YAMAMAYAA! GET IT RIGHT*throws shoe at me* me: *is hit and killed on contact*...just kidding - that she loved and I immediatley devised a plan - me: Let's pretend I did! - to bring them together. Well let's just say that the outcome was Corey having to carry Clarissa home because her puny legs couldn't support her enormous ass...ah-ha.

And the following days were of happiness. Where my life was sweet...For about three days. As a wise man once said, "Would happiness be as sweet if it were not for the bitterness of despair?"

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~Neomort~

nobody@vox.com(pandaness) — Wed, 07 May 2008 15:13:26 -0700

You are so beautiful when you are asleep.

Your eyes get a rest so they don't have to weep.

Breath as soft as the person you are.

I'll be your night sky, if you'll be my star.

Arms stretched out straight like you're trying to reach

the light at the end of the tunnel, the light you want to keep.

I just want to hold you so tight in my arms

but you're so beautiful there, you're just so calm...

~*Lock and Load Mercaneries*~

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.3

nobody@vox.com(pandaness) — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 15:09:56 -0700

I’ve been looking in the mirror for so long/ That I’ve come to believe my soul is on the other side/ All the little pieces falling shatter/ Shards of me/ Too sharp to put back together/ Too small to matter/ But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces/ And if I try to touch her/ I will bleed/ And I will bleed/ And I breathe no more…

I twisted around, groping for the phone. I felt it against my stomach and remembered I had let it fall before returning to sleep.

“Hello?” I answered, the sleepiness saturating my voice.

“Mia? Did I wake you?” Noel asked. Noel was practically my brother from another mother. We went way back, to the crib days.

“Kinda,” I mumbled. I let myself gently fall back down onto the pillow.

“Sleepyhead, it’s eight in the morning and I’m bored as hell. Entertain me,” he commanded.

“You bastard! Did you just call me to wake me up because you were bored?!” I yelped.

“Of course,” he laughed.

“Oh, I love you,” I sighed.

“Love you more, sister,” he replied. “We need to do something today, so get your ass up. I was thinking shopping and then the park. Can we take Lena?”

Lena was my incredibly loved five-year old sister. Her real name was Maple Lena, but people outside of our family called us by our middle names: Damian, Mia, and Lena.

“If she wants,” I said.

After assuring him she would definitely say yes, I decided to get up. I shuffled to the bathroom and washed my face and teeth. I pulled my hair back into a messy ponytail and walked into the ebony-topped kitchen with the wooden floors my mother loved.

As I contemplated on what to cook for Linden and Maple for breakfast, I pulled out a frying pan. Apple omelets sounded delicious, with diced tomatoes, spinach, and cheddar cheese. I had just finished the first omelet when Maple toddled in, rubbing her eyes. She alone had inherited my mother’s deep blue-green eyes.

“Good morning, baby sister!” I greeted her cheerfully. She hugged my knees in response and asked what I was making.

“An apple omelet. Want one?” She nodded and I instructed her to wash her hands and then sit on a stool. After I placed her breakfast on her favorite Little Bear plate, I served her some cranberry juice and pulled out a cup of strawberry yogurt for her. Like I said, she and my brother are my life. I take the best possible care for them.

I wanted her to be relaxed while she digested her breakfast, so I turned the medium-sized television on to Jojo’s Circus on Playhouse Disney. Linden shuffled in, bleary-eyed and in pajamas, a little bit after I finished the omelet I was going to save for him.

“This is the miracle of the century. Why are you awake?” I asked suspiciously as I slid his food onto another Little Bear plate.

Raising his dark eyebrows at the picture on his plate, he answered unconcernedly, “Mind your own business.”

“You’re my brother. Your life is my business. My sole purpose in living is to interrogate you about everything,” I replied, lightly tapping him on the head with my spatula.

He swatted my hand away. Turning around, I asked Maple, “Noel called this morning. Do you want to come shopping with us and then to the park? You now what shopping with Noel is like: He’s going to buy you everything he sees.”

“Were you talking to me, Aspen?” Maple asked, twisting around from her cartoon.

“Yes. Do you want to come?”

“Sure.” And she resumed her brain melting.

While washing the dishes, Maple was changing into something suitable for both killer shopping and park playing, Linden sat behind the counter, facing my back.

“Are you going to tell me what went on last night?” he said quietly, so even if Maple had walked in she wouldn’t have been able to hear.

“I don’t exactly plan to,” I mumbled, turning away.

“Why not? You know if it was something serious, I wouldn’t laugh. What happened?” he persisted.

“NOTHING HAPPENED!” I shouted. I could feel the scream tear through my throat and it hurt. I immediately regretted it.

“Fine. This just means I now don’t have to tell you what’s wrong when you fucking ask me. See how you like it,” he spoke calmly. He turned his face down and began to eat his omelet stiffly, pointedly ignoring me.

I sighed, cleaned up the kitchen and walked to my room. I don’t know why I didn’t want to tell Linden why I was upset. Lie. Yes, I did. I didn’t want to upset him with what happened to me. And I knew he would go after Leo and murder him.

I peered into my closet and put on a simple pair of small boot cut jeans with an elbow length black button shirt. I stepped into some white flip-flops and went to the restroom to put on make-up and comb my messy hair.

Noel came to pick us up around ten in his silver Spyder convertible. Maple, as always, squealed when she saw him and hugged him. As the day progressed, we bought many things that a five year old does not need and then went to the park where Noel bought us a delicious funnel cake that didn’t live very long.

He dropped us back off at six and after I gave Maple a bath and put her to sleep, I saw Linden in the computer room. He was sitting at the screen, staring at some pictures.

“What are you doing?” I asked timidly.

He didn’t reply. So he was still angry from this morning. I saw his profile, his curly dark brown curls obscuring his eyes from view. He was really tall and lanky, like my dad, but this was a side I had never seen before. Of course he was my brother and siblings get mad at each other eventually, but he had never refused to talk to me.

“Are still mad at me?” I inquired further.

“Don’t really care” was his short response.

“Look,” I began, “I don’t have to tell you anything. You sure as hell don’t tell me everything.”

“Well, then don’t.”

“Goddammit! Linden! Why are you doing this to me? Do you really want to know? That fucking guy that Michelle set me up with turned out to be an ass. All he wanted was to touch me. So I couldn’t take it and went to tell Michelle-“

“Aspen, wait-“

“- and you know what? She didn’t give a damn! She got after me for not being over it yet. So I asked her to take me home and now I guess I’m not her friend anymore because all she did was yell at me more.” I was in tears, and I wiped them furiously away, and glared at Linden.

To my surprise, he blinked and a few tears slipped out, sliding down his face.

“Aspen…I’m sorry. I wanted to know so bad…And I’m sorry. Please stop crying. See? Now, I have to go find that guy and kill him,” he whispered, stretching out his hands for me to go hug him. I did.

“Please don’t do that. All I want is Michelle back and for her to understand,” I whimpered into his shoulder.

“I know,” he said, comforting me.

“Now, I want you to go to bed and forget all about this, okay? Forget that I was ever mad at you. Just calm down and go to sleep,” he instructed. He walked me to my room and tucked me in like my mother would do if she was here and not on vacation with my father. He gently kissed my forehead and left the room, his wandering footsteps resonating with the healing he had brought into my being.

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.2

nobody@vox.com(pandaness) — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 15:09:03 -0700

Take a breath and I try to draw from my spirit’s well/ But yet again you refuse to drink like a stubborn child/ Lie to me/ Convince me that I’ve been sick forever/ That all of this will make sense when I get better/ And I know the difference/ Between myself and my reflection/ And if I try to touch her/ I will bleed/ I will bleed/ And I breathe/ I breathe/

I breathe/ And I breathe/ I breathe/ I breathe no more…

My cell phone was singing. My ring tone: Breathe No More. Someone was calling. I twisted around and the sheets turned with me. I reached for my phone, my pale hand moving through the darkness, starkly contrasting with the gloss of my bedside table. I picked it up and brought it to me, straining to see the caller ID.

Michelle it read. I could see the picture ID also appearing, displaying a close-up of her beautiful face with her shimmering green eyes. I wondered if I should answer it.

As soon as that thought was done being thought, the phone stopped singing.

I stared at it.

I let my phone drop softly and fell back into my desperate slumber.

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.1

nobody@vox.com(pandaness) — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 15:08:28 -0700

“You’re such a fucking baby!” Michelle screamed at me as I fell out of her car, scrambled to my legs, and ran to my house. I dug through my purse for my house keys as I reached the darkened door.

I heard a screech of tire on asphalt and saw the blur of deep red turn the corner. Michelle’s and Leo’s laughter echoed in my ears even after they were gone. I had my hand on the door when it was yanked open by Linden.

“What the hell? I thought you were spending the night at Shelly’s?” he said as I wedged in between him and the door into the hallway.

“Not anymore,” I murmured, walking toward my room.

“Are you okay?”

I didn’t answer him. I unlocked my door and stepped inside to the familiar comfort. My floor has very soft black carpeting that you sink into when you step on it. When I stepped, I wondered why I just didn’t keep sinking, slip through the floor to the ground beneath.

“Aspen,” I heard my brother say right outside the door.

“Yes?” I choked, holding back everything I wanted to scream.

“Is everything okay?”

“When has that ever mattered?” I said, ripping off my black wrap dress, kicking off my flats.

“It’s always mattered. You just never noticed it,” he responded in his kind voice.

I scrambled into some tennis shorts and an oversized shirt and promptly crawled into the safety of my sheets.

“Can you please leave me alone?” I asked, sliding my head under the pillow. I heard his footsteps fade away.

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...

nobody@vox.com(pandaness) — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 14:38:29 -0700

Feel the life pulsing through you.

Breathe the living air and see the encompassing darkness.

Know each breath so pure,

each drop of blood so red,

each bruise so bleu

is a blessing.

Feeling everything you feel is a gift.

Prefer to live above all else.

Life's too goddamn short.

Hold on to your happiness and go after her when she's running away.

She might get lost and not know the way back.

...

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So far...so good...

nobody@vox.com(pandaness) — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 07:51:45 -0700

Well, people, there comes a time when we have to talk or we will explode. That's bad by the way. Let me speak? Where do I begin? Overall, I've been doing good. Nothing too serious.

I realized that what makes me utterly happy is something so spaced out and so far apart. What keeps me going is the chance that I might see the people I care about throughout the day. That is the only thing that pulls me out of bed.

I had one of the greatest days in my life this past Saturday. My bestest sister and my bestest friend finally realized they love each other(with a little of interference from me). Muwahahahahaha!

*cough* *recomposes self* I think they are the best things for each other. *tink* has been happy and stupid since she has been with him and I definitely prefer this side of her than the grumpy, "I hate the world"-mood. Corey also seems to be brighter.

Meanwhile, my nightmares have not left me alone, but multiplied. I doubt they ever will leave me alone. I had a very scary dream in which Clarissa and I were taking a stroll along a city street, when this hooded man leapt out of thin air and tried to hurt Clarissa in the most horrible way. You know what I mean. I snapped and literally jumped at the man, pried him off of her( she was screaming terribly), and pushed him down. I grasped each one of his arms one by one and twisted with all of my might. They began to break and snap, but I didn't stop. I finished by holding his bent arms up and ramming my foot through each elbow. Satisfied, hearing his whimpers of agony, I held onto Clarissa and led her out of there. I found a really clean public restroom and tried to comfort Clarissa. All she could do was sit on the toilet seat and sob. I was really angry, so infuriated. Then, Corey, walked in(I don't know how since it was a girls bathroom) and I started to scream(a string of curse words) and realized who it was. Corey wanted to know what was wrong with Clarissa, but she could do was cry...It was heart-breaking beyond all belief. Then, the man actually entered(I don;t know how seeing as his arms seemed to have passed through a slicer andbeen tenderized) and I freaked(string of curse words). I tried going after him, but Corey stopped me. He put two and two together, grabbed him by the collar, and led him silently out of the restroom to his death.

It was a frightening dream. I have had many others, don't have enough time and don't want to scare more people. Bye. ♥

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Check point

nobody@vox.com(pandaness) — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 14:09:38 -0700

This is another one of those times where I talk about what's going on with me. I hardly ever do that so if you are just going to say mean things, get the hell out of here. But if you are bored, have nothing else better to do, and/or actually give a damn, stay and be entertained and mystified.

Here are the things I wish would happen

1] My grandfather to come already and stop trying to buld up the suspense. He keeps putting it off. I have no idea why, but it's driving me insane. 2] My mom and dad's illnesses to go away for god because they are ruining our lives. 3] I could actually talk and not have to write about this.

Now that I've said this, I have a guaranteed call from someone. Won't say who. But I'm lookin forward to it. *coughs* Corey. ^-^

Here are the things that make my life worth it

1] *Tink*. She can brighten my day like no one else can. Except when she's sad. then DI want to go shoot whoever did that to my poor Clareesa. ♥ 2] Rob. The little light who shines the way. I love him so much. 3] The love that I recieve from my mother and father. I realize I am so incredibly lucky to have both of my parents alive and well(well not really, but you know what I mean).

Now follows the things that I will not bold or underline since my time has almost expired in the library, but will still expalin in great detail. I joined Track and Field at my high school. I love it. The people there are so fun to be around. There's hardly any drama. Unlike the fucked up world of behind the curatains in Theater. Sorry, but oh so true. I hate drama with a passion. I am passing all of my classes with a B or above. Please clap for me. It was ten months into the relationship with Rob on March 11, 2008. I got fouth place last Trach meet in the 100 meter dash. Yay!

I ♥ *Tink*

I ♥ Robert

I ♥ Corey

I ♥ Many other people that I have no time to mention since the person is right here standing next to me trying to kick me off. Bye ♥

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You think about it...

nobody@vox.com(pandaness) — Fri, 15 Feb 2008 07:48:14 -0800

You think about it and the only reason you live and remain on earth is because it's your choice. Because you can take it away at any moment and nobody can stop you. If you want to listen(read), hear are my only reasons why i haven't left for good.

1] The fact that if I leave and not prevent the accident that leads to the death of any of the following people 1. *tink* 2. Rob 3. Chip 4. Krause 5. Nick or Ryan 6. Corey 7. ToT 8. my mom or dad. I will die a second time if the suffering of these beloved people continue. 2] I might give birth to the scientist who cures AIDS or cancer or lukemia or anemia or heart disease or diabetes 3] I could possibly save the life of a great person and not even know it until the good they do is famous 4] Or maybe I'm not meant to die just yet. Later so a sequence of events occurs and I am the catalyst of it all.

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